the faces return

Road blocks.

I am wondering about road blocks. I have been accepted into the MSW program a SCSU with the condition I take a research methods course. I can not find a research methods class at a public school. Private schools are crazy expensive and I found one. Do I really want this? Is it worth it? Should I think of doing something eles?

Mystic

Hydro-Tube.

Hello there. I am not sure anyone still reads this blog as the author has been missing for some time. I had this feeling before I went back to work like I would get standing at the top of Hydro Tube as a kid. Hydro Tube was this sky-rise tall, curving, tube, that ending in a pool of water. It was pretty fun aside from the fact that I was claustrophobic, afraid of water, and could not swim. I remember the feeling I would get standing at the top. The knowing that the sliding would go by really fast then... the deep water. It was this combination of fear, excitement and joy.
Ever since I have been working days are flying by. I have finished my Statistics class. I am getting ready to start school in the fall and my hubby and I are going to move. We found a great place right next door to a community garden. The landlords are a young couple expecting a baby. We will be a few blocks from a giant park and our favorite little french coffee shop. That will be nice we are currently in an area that is all bars and barber shops. It will be nice to be surrounded by gardens, art galleries, and nice coffee shops.
As the days fly by I remember my blessings and try not to be afraid to keep jumping in the tube.


Spread Love wherever you go.
Me.

begin

Easter and Krishna

This morning I awoke from a terrible nightmare and slid over to snuggle with my hubby. I was aware that I could take my mind though my body and meditate on the feeling of love. My mind wandered around comforting all my achey and fearful parts. What a gift a comforting mind can be.

As my eyes slowly opened to the morning I saw a thick mist in the sky and the Magnolia tree in the back yard. I hopped up. I tossed on my slippers grabbed my camera and took photos. I took close ups of the dew covered pink and white buds. I stood on the stairs and took full length shots of the beautiful tree, the mist adding a mysterious sensation of discovery.
I anticipate the day when all those pink blossoms unfold into explosions of scent and beauty.
Smiling I entered the house to the sound of the coffee grinder and the smell the beans.

My hubby told me Easter is close to the New Year celebrated in his home of Kerala. He told me that on New Year an alter space is set up with fruits and treats and gifts set out in front of Krishna. On this new year holiday all of the family close there eyes, and holding hands,  walking into this room of fine things. The family keeps there eyes closed until they stand in front of the alter.
This ceremony is done to begin the year by filling the eyes and mind with abundance and love at the feet of Krisna a Hindu image of God.
I think those Magnolia blossoms were my treasures at the feet of God.  My year is starting out just fine.

Breath Machine

I am back at wanting to be perfect again. Trying to do a really good job can be
exhausting. I am noticing that I rip the head off of my partner whenever he points out that
I am not, in fact, perfect. I wonder if a desire to be perfect it is some kind of ego high.
Like, my ego enjoys being good at something to such a strong amount that I am terrified
that if I am not good at the things that I find pride in then I am not good for anything.
What if life was a grand machine at that by simply breathing I was able to run the motor.
Then my only job would be to breath. Then all that other stuff that I think is important
and I think defines me would not matter.
Mantra: I am a cog in the breath machine and I am doing my job and that is good enough.