begin

Easter and Krishna

This morning I awoke from a terrible nightmare and slid over to snuggle with my hubby. I was aware that I could take my mind though my body and meditate on the feeling of love. My mind wandered around comforting all my achey and fearful parts. What a gift a comforting mind can be.

As my eyes slowly opened to the morning I saw a thick mist in the sky and the Magnolia tree in the back yard. I hopped up. I tossed on my slippers grabbed my camera and took photos. I took close ups of the dew covered pink and white buds. I stood on the stairs and took full length shots of the beautiful tree, the mist adding a mysterious sensation of discovery.
I anticipate the day when all those pink blossoms unfold into explosions of scent and beauty.
Smiling I entered the house to the sound of the coffee grinder and the smell the beans.

My hubby told me Easter is close to the New Year celebrated in his home of Kerala. He told me that on New Year an alter space is set up with fruits and treats and gifts set out in front of Krishna. On this new year holiday all of the family close there eyes, and holding hands,  walking into this room of fine things. The family keeps there eyes closed until they stand in front of the alter.
This ceremony is done to begin the year by filling the eyes and mind with abundance and love at the feet of Krisna a Hindu image of God.
I think those Magnolia blossoms were my treasures at the feet of God.  My year is starting out just fine.

Breath Machine

I am back at wanting to be perfect again. Trying to do a really good job can be
exhausting. I am noticing that I rip the head off of my partner whenever he points out that
I am not, in fact, perfect. I wonder if a desire to be perfect it is some kind of ego high.
Like, my ego enjoys being good at something to such a strong amount that I am terrified
that if I am not good at the things that I find pride in then I am not good for anything.
What if life was a grand machine at that by simply breathing I was able to run the motor.
Then my only job would be to breath. Then all that other stuff that I think is important
and I think defines me would not matter.
Mantra: I am a cog in the breath machine and I am doing my job and that is good enough.

cyber snacks

I have been thinking about this post since the super bowl. The Black Eyes Peas came onto the stage. They walked onto the stage in nicely designed, flashy costumes and dancers covered in twinkling lights.  Looking forward to their performance, I skipped the third run to the table of food I tuned in my ears and I waited. As soon as they began to sing I cringed. They all sang like a hopeful group of middle school students at a summer camp (with a damn fine budget). I was impressed by the groups artistic ideas but some how out of the studio the music was missing the flavor.
Flavor like Pancho Sanchez in front of his bongos or Miles Davis on his horn, or Joni Mitchell belting out a heart break. You know that feeling where you become transported by the beauty of a skill, a skill that has been honed so finely, you feel honored if only to be a witness.

The next time I thought about this was in an interview for NPR with a tennis pro. The interviewer talked to her about her game, and her famous grunt during play. At the end of the interview the interviewer asked Monica Selus if she played Wi tennis. Her reply was divine, she said I don't eat fake food why would I play fake tennis.
Despite our advances in technology there still is some magic in the real touchable, tangible, hugible world. 

wogging

Tonight as I climbed the bleachers at the high school the sky was covered in thick gray clouds highlighted in bits of lavender and pink. The blue sky peeked out in bits and the sun reflected off the water in the harbor that I could see nestled in the distance.
I have just began a class where we walk and jog call Wogging and (unknown until tonight) climb bleachers, and do lunges and squats on the beach. It was kind of fun being bossed around to get in shape. Also it was fun having girl time. I look forward to going back on Thursday if it does not snow.
It is amazing how refreshing a nice work out and being outside during sunset can be.

hello again

Hello, my mind has been spinning with topics to write and I have not yet sat down to ramble about all my growing opinions of the world around me and how I have learned to play in it.  As of this night my first full day as a woman of 35 I am back on the blog.
I am going to spend this 35 year talking about my observations of the world around me. I have a new job in Bridgeport and I am both excited and overwhelmed by the new city. It has large brick buildings with broken windows and graffiti tagged on the outside. It has people who are both aggressive and kind. (I think a lot of these East coasties have all been overstimulated.)  
However, I had a woman give me a small angel in a glass bead. It was an angel that she had been given to guide her on her way. I have only shared the building with her a few days. That and private words of loss. Today, I am reminded that I am always held even when I feel that the world is much to big to live in.
cheers and blessings
MD

For my Sanity

http://dilbert.com/strips/comic/2008-11-17/