Saving the Sweets

My home is filled with ginger bread, caramel covered pop corn, chocolate cake, chocolate covered toffee, fudge, cookies, and one piece of sticky toffee pudding. I find I have this inner worry that these divine sweets will go bad and that I must eat them all before that happens.
In contrast to these thoughts however, I have been exercising in hopes to balance out my need to save the sweets.
For example, yesterday I walked to the bank, which my pedometer says is 2,570 steps from my home.
On my way, I walked over large mountains of snow. I walked past a man in yellow rubber boots who was pushing some strange, snow blowing, contraption. The machine he was using had a protective plastic frame that looked like a *phone booth. The man in the phone booth was on top of a lawnmower looking machine that tossed snow into the air, like confetti on New Years day. Be aware those machines are nothing you want to be down wind from.
When I got down town I walked in a canyon. A canyon that had been carved from show shovels, creating mountains of snow. I watched a man climb one of those mountains, to put letter in a UPS box. I walked down the sidewalk canyon in our small city past fifteen bars, a rent a center, and a small dinner with $2.95 eggs and potatoes, before reaching the bank. Tucson came into my mind, then, the Wizard of Oz line: Dorthy your not in Kansas anymore. The East is so different than the dessert.  I do like the change in seasons. I enjoy the challenge of shoveling snow and the quiet contentment to sit inside on snow covered days like this one and write on the computer.
Thanks to my walk I am going to make a pot of coffee and sit back with a piece of ginger bread and enjoy today's adventure in saving the Christmas sweets.

*a phone booth is a small room with three glass walls. Inside those walls is a phone. You could, at one time, drop a quarter, (yes only a quarter), into the phone and call someone you loved.

Quote of the Year

Life will bring you pain all by itself.
Your responsibility is to create joy. -Milton Erickson, M.D.

Milton Erickson was a farmers boy. When he was 17 he got polio. The doctor told his mother he would die. He asked his mother to slide the dresser in his room at an angle so he could use the mirror to watch the sunset in the other room. He did not want to miss a single sunset. While watching the sunset Milton blocked out all the visual obstacles and only saw the sun set. I can imagine the subtle pinks and yellows turning to vivid fuchsia and lavender as he drifted off to sleep. After Milton did, in fact, recover from his illness, he was no longer strong enough to be a farmer so he became a hypnotherapist and as it turned out a very good one.

The Red and Green of Christmas

The date that was on my new clock was December 25th. The time was two minute before one. I had just finished making spicy peanut noodles with home made chili oil; a recipe that I acquired from one of my best friends in Tucson (a great way of bringing my friend home for the holidays).

The recipe he gave me called for chili oil.  Living here in New England, they think ketchup is spicy. So there is no need to carry chili oil at the Stop and Shop, or the Trader Joes. I had to make my own.

I got the chili oil recipe from this blog http://www.foodonthebrain.net/2010/02/03/homemade-chili-oil/ it turned out delicious even though I did not use the ermented black beans. Enjoy.

Today's Find

Beautiful Earth

the tree

Love is Sitting in My Hand

 I am reading a book that is giving me comfort in my time of grief. It is the Tibetian Book of Living and Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche. One story told in the book if of the Buddha. There is a woman whose child dies and she goes around the village asking for someone to restore her child. The people send her to the Buddha. He tells her he will restore her baby if she can bring him corn from a home that has never experienced death. She buries her child and comes back to the Buddha to be taught about spirituality. 

Here is another a metaphor I learned from this book.

Love

Holding

Grasping

loss

without love

holding

trusting

opening and faith=love stays

Thank you.

How I got the tree

More than ever I wanted to have a real evergreen in the house this year. I learned that evergreens were originally a pagan tradition that represented the persistence of life, despite challenges. So with wild intent I acquired my tree branch by going out into the yard to get a little, yes little, ever-green branch. Then with a little tug down came this huge piece of tree. I giggled like crazy and ran for the back door dragging it inside like a pirates booty.

The petless home

So we gave up our kitten to a girl (about 18) who's cat died and said she was super lonely with out him. Misty (the kitten) liked her right away. She played with the girls boots then, sat by her with her feet curled under her.  It was harder than I thought and I cried a little. However, I only felt sad when she left and I am quite certain that today I feel relived.

As for the joys of being cat free last night I brought in a large pine branch for Christmas. I took out art supplies and I sat surrounded by little bits of wire, beads, and paint no one around to steal them. I was inspired to start a new art project and started the day drawing while the hubby sat joyfully reading the New York times. (Okay your right we live and easy love filled life). But hey, I like it that way. Since the cat killed all my house plants I went out and I got a new plant a Calla Lilly and it is beautiful. I wonder does it count as a pet?

Neandertal

Yesterday I decided to go to a lecture by Carl Zimmer called The Red Headed Neandertal, yes that is how he spelled it Neandertal. Which, by the way is a river valley in Germany where they found the first bones of a Neanderthal.
The lecture was in a building that was off-white in color and had a rounded, ornate, entrance way. Inside the building the large circular ceiling was painted a rich blue and covered with three dimensional golden stars. A beautiful contrast to the white walls.

I wandered around the medical library for a bit, looking at tools, diplomas and books from the 1800s. I noticed the surgery needle has not changed at all; it is still a curved piece of metal with a sharp point at the end. I ran my fingers over thick leather books, imagining how much work, so many people have put into learning the complex working of the body listed on their pages. How wonderful it must feel to have such a solid goal. 

I then headed into the lecture room. I was surprised to find that it was in a conference room. It had the thick wooden rectangular table with the beautiful solid wood chairs placed around it. Also placed on a table in the back of the room where three kinds of Sherry and some Christmas cookies. ( I have only used Sherry for cooking) I sat at the long conference table and watch distinguished looking old men  pour into the room (one even sporting a bow tie), then young thin intellectual looking boys with beards, and a handful of women. There were chairs along the walls that eventually filled in with people and even some people sat on the floor.
The lecture was fairly interesting, though I did see a fee people dose off.
Some interesting facts: Neandertals had the gene that causes humans to talk to one another.  Neandertals made weapons, but no art. They made jewelry from shells painting them with red ocher, but no drawings of animals or each other. Neandertals had about a 1% population with red hair and that gene is not the same as mine but a parallel gene. We all most likely have some Neandertal genes. With my red hair my chances are quite high. However, Neandertals actually had larger brains than humans and had organized living conditions. So we can no longer say, "My boyfriend is such a Neanderthal." unless we are giving him a complement.

To much information

Today I went to a web-sight for Art Submission so I could be inspired to work on something. The sight I went to was a link from Artshow.com. I am overwhelmed by all the options and run around looking at so many I am not sure where to start. Therefor starting on none because I am exhaused reading all the options. I need an agent to tell me what to do.

Time

Oh my how times have changed since I started this blog. When I got out of the hospital and was healing, I had so much time, I needed to plan out my schedule to give me a purpose.
Now I am writing because it calms and centers me. I am writing so I don't forget any of the things I need to do. Of course regardless of how tired I am, I defiantly prefer the latter.
I was in Borders this morning Christmas shopping.  I saw an old woman telling an employee of the store  she had trouble walking and that she needed help looking for the books on her list. The employee sounded put out and was rude to the old woman, she called someone else to help the lady and walked away. I walked over and asked the old woman how I could help her and she brightened like a Christmas tree.
You see I know what it is like not to be able to get around. However, I realize the employee is over worked and the holidays are crazy for retail workers. Who knows maybe she hurts also.  It is much harder to be loving when in pain.
I am so grateful to at last be 100% healthy, now I just have to rebuild my stamina.  As for me when I am very old (at least 100) I have decided I will defiantly like to be in a really nice nursing home, one where the staff keeps me entertained.
Today I am going to finish the last of my Christmas cards, write in my book, make some potato soup with spicy sausages, and do some cleaning.

Cheers. Spread love where ever you go. There is a quote that my sister loved-"Be kind, because you never know what silent battle someone is fighting."

The Clay Peep

A long time ago I made some people out of self drying clay that I promised I would post. I finally uploaded them.

Rose

Sharing my returned home rose

Ghosts in the kitchen

Youth tricks.

Winter I belive has begun for real. It is cold here today my toes feel like they are rolling around in my shoes. I taught algebra at the high school today. Oh wait, that is a lie. I wandered around the students while they worked on their algebra. 
I really like math it is like doing a puzzle. However, I did not pay attention in school so it is hard for me to remember how to do any of it. I was a very unhelpful math sub.  In fact, I got kicked out of algebra and had to take a business math class for ding-a-lings.
The scene: Algebra second period, my sophomore year of high school, me a bad perm.  I am a business woman so, I hired a smart freshman to do my work for me. I had a good job and was bringing in money. As a smart boyfriend once said why change your tire if you can afford to pay to have it done. I considered this plan  a brilliant outsourcing. Which worked until the exam. I could not do a single problem on my own, hello! bad planning. I am sure you can see why I was kicked out. That boyfriend was dumb also what happens with no cell service and a flat tire? Self efficacy has it benefits.

bad algebra teacher= (Algebra)not paying attention + business math

Dinner

So I made my first dinner since I got back home. I made Tandoori chicken, which is quite easy and I always get positive results.  You just:
1. go to the Indian store by Saag Tandoori season mix.
2. Then mix lemon juice, the mix, and yogurt together.
3. Cover any kind of chicken peices in it
4. Put in the Fridge
5. Take out later and broil till done. 

I made peanut lemon rice and Kale with unsweetened coconut and butter, sooo good. I steamed the Kale then toasted the coconut in butter and tossed it together.  The meal turned out very pretty the yellow rice the green kale and the red chicken it is nice to be in my kitchen. I am trying to set up skype so I can cook with my mother. Then I will get great skills for sure.

Love>Fear

Hello readers. My sister took her own life. Aside from my grief, I am more aware now than ever before how important it is to feed our minds and hearts with good food. Religion uses the words: devil or Satan vs. God.  New age folks use energy. I once saw a bumper sticker at the Co-op in Tucson that simply said Love>Fear. 
There are fears of not being good enough, of being alone. of losing our physical ability to get around. I myself was filled with fear when I was unable to walk in July. I was afraid of not being able to dress myself or sweep the floor, or cook for my husband. I had the benefit of receiving great love from all the kind friends I had developed prior to my illness. When I was unable to see the world outside of my fear, love saved me. 
Love is so powerful in healing. A friend of mine who suddenly lost his brother is going to Colombia to buy toys and give them to children in need. He is doing this to honor his brother who he says was kind and giving.
My sister was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder, I do not think her illness is what caused her to take her life. I think it was the fear of being alone, cold and ill.
I pray for each person in the world to be warm and healthy with someone they love. I know that is not always possible. So I will pray instead that things like the sunrise, which is available to all of us lightens hearts so we can cultivate more love. I pray that songs that inspire and lift us fill our radios and overflow into peoples hearts. I pray that people spontaneously dance in there small spaces they call home.  I pray that no one ever thinks that they are not important. We all have the same heart beat, we all have to breath in and out. Please breath in a sense of safety and breath out love.  

Veteran's day thoughts

At 18 I walked often into the wild blue yonder to be a soldier. Part of me thought that I wanted to do something grand and part of me just did what the rest of my family had done when they graduated high school (or not graduate high school). Some families have a history of working the land, some of earning degrees. In my family it was to go into the service. Having served in the Air Force I find that the emotional response to Veterans Day, for me, is a little off kilter. 

There is an important part that I think gets left out in all the pride. A lot of kids go into the service because it is there only option. I do not say thank you to them for going in. Instead I say thank you for not running away when it gets scary. I am grateful to all the soldiers that stand with there comrades and do not turn and run to leave a man alone. I believe that democracy its self is a grand freedom. A true patriot believes in the opportunity to disagree. America is founded on that: from the first immigrants that sought religious freedom in the new land, to the gays now who wish to be married.

I went in the service to gain opportunity. I do not belive it is noble to rage into the night with out knowlege of the impact and heart ache of war.  Veterans do not find that war is a thing to be celebrated, brotherhood is. If a man believes that brotherhood is more important and can be developed instead of war, then I salute him/her and hand over all my badges to the man that stands next to another in kindness and brotherhood.
Happy Veterans Day to the soldiers that worked together for brotherhood and believe in a peaceful nation.

New England Morning

Daylight savings times happened yesterday. This morning as I enjoyed my extra hour of sleep I could hear wind tossing the trees around outside. I curled under the blanket and ignored the cat pouncing around behind me. Then the hubby came in and said, "It's snowing." It does not snow in Arizona I thought, then I remembered I don't live there anymore.
To my good luck, yesterday. Yes, yesterday I bought a warm coat, lucky timing I say. So with my warm new coat and a cup of Earl Grey tea in my hand I watched the hubby clean the snow off the windows. "Get in." he says and were off. At last, our gas sucking Subaru is worth its safety rating, gliding along the road slush, effortlessly.
I went to the VA to get my Flu shot which was quick. The nurse at the counter told me she liked my coat. I told her I had just gotten it and that moving from Arizona I did not have a good warm coat. Then I told her, "See, I am ready for New England, you wouldn't even know I moved here." She looked at me then she said, "Oh they'll still know."  I gave her a smile. I know what she means.

The door to the VA is a large rotating door. With three large sections. One man and I were on one side, heading inside the building in another section was old man with a cane. In the last section people were piling in while the old man took tiny steps the rotating door moving a very little bit with each slow step he at last went out trapping all the people heading in, there were about ten people. The man that was in with me slipped through the small space left and went back into the VA to hit a button for when the door stops for safety. Not one of the people on the other side saw this. Then they saw me waiting for the man to return. Ten loud New England voices then yelled, "Hey there is a lady just standing over there. WALK, WALK." Feeling frustrated by all the yelling I walked over to the door, (it did not budge) then did a pirouette and danced around a little then yelled back at them, "It's not moving".  At last it moved just enough for me to get out. I stomped away. Then giggled at the silliness of it all as I hurried to my car to get out of the freezing wind.

Day of dead poem.

Day of the Dead.

by Misha Dawn 

They came like trees in fall, strong and colorful.
Change visual in the light shades of their hair and the lines around their eyes.
They came and sat quietly as birds sang loud songs of protest from the tree tops.
The uninvolved lines circled the the green, the church,
and alone,
circled the quiet rooms
filled with the smell of impermanence.

There was some among them that were small.
Today, all returned, and marched to drums, and bells, and dancers.
Everyday they can be heard in wind in treetops
and quiet exhales of love.

PMS Sans Uterus.

Today I have ragging PMS. Of which I find to be a wonder, now that I do not have a uterus. You would think not having PMS would be one of the benefits. But no, my little tubes are still there, making eggs, and hormones. Some evidence of the PMS is that I am just irritable. For example the poor kitten got herself locked in the bathroom for jumping in the trash can. I could hear her yelling, "let me out" while I imagined replacing her with a not so bothersome fish.
Additionally, I tried to make a deep dish apple pie and having not read the instructions carefully, I have the crust on the bottom instead of on the top (reading to quick may be a normal defect).  I quickly made a crumble for the top of the pie and will hope for decent results.
I had a native friend tell me that in her tribe the women in there menses were not allowed to cook. For me I think it should probably be during PMS being that is when I am intense like: those first cold days of fall or, like a kitten who smells chicken bones in the trash. As for now I will wait for my pie to come out of the oven and take deep breaths.
p.s. I wonder where the eggs go now. Are they lost and arguing about who should have looked at the directions.

Black Cat

So last night as my little black kitten sat curled between my husband and I with her motor purring. I wondered why black cats and witches were associated with one an other I found all kinds of interesting information mostly from about.com and http://www.xmission.com/~emailbox/folklore.htm.
I thought about it this way:

I imagine, I am a single woman living in France in the middle ages. In the black of morning I have just made my tea. Off in the distance, I see two bright yellow eyes. They seem to float right out of the dark.  Just as I pick up the cream my fear turns to wonder as this visitor dances around my feet. Instead of in my tea, I pour my precious cream in a bowl and set it down for my company (it is the only polite thing to do). For days and weeks after I get up for my chores this small companion comes for my cream. This cat does not mind my rotting teeth, or my sour smell and it lessens the feelings of loneliness, of difference.
I would imagine that no one at that time would understand why a woman would choose to live alone. Maybe I love other women, or maybe I am uncomfortable with the rules of the church, or maybe I just want to be alone (except for the cat). Next thing I know I am talking about the cat that visits me and meeting other women that like they way cats keep company and rid their garden of pests.  But that is all way before we are burned at the stake for being witches.

As for me, Ms. Dawn here in the modern world, I think... as my cat scratches my leg leaping up to steal my cereal after I just got done cleaning kitty litter, I think... I am a dog person. At least I won't be burned at the stake.

Halloween Foods.

A good friend of mine text me asking about some Halloween foods. My mother has a great one called the kitty litter cake. 

Ingredients:
One box of spice or german chocolate cake.
One box of white cake mix
One package of white sandwhich cookies
One package of vanilla instant pudding
few drops of green food coloring
12 small tootsie rolls
a NEW kitty litter box
a NEW kat box liner
New pooper skooper
bake cakes and make pudding as directed.
crumble cookies in the blender. Take out one cup of the cookies and mix with food coloring. Set aside.
When cakes are at room temperature crumble the cakes in a large bowl. Toss with half the remaining cookies and enough pudding to make the mixture moist but not soggy.  Place linner in the kitty pan.
Make poop by heating tootsies roll just a few seconds then molding them to have a point at the end.  bury the rolls decoratively put the rest of the ingredients in the box and sprinkle green cookies on top.
place the box on a sheet of news paper serve with NEW kitty litter scooper.

Some other ideas are:
Sandwiches shaped like hands made with toast and served with tomato sauce.

Hard boiled eggs with green olives with pimentos for eyes placed in a dip topped with crumbled rye bread to look like soil-instant underground monster

Soup cooked in a pumpkin

Meatballs with pretzels stuck in them for legs-instant spider 

Pointy sugar cone dipped in chocolate placed on a large cookie then dip the hole thing in chocolate- witches hat.

please post any ideas you come up with and photos please.

The Present Moment

Today I looked back at when I began this blog and I am aware that I have word by word wandered my way off the original goal of this blog.
I have a similar story. My family has big annual camping trips. I was about seven that year, our family camp was set up in a clearing at the edge of an inviting thick forest.  My cousins and I were preparing to roast marshmallows. I had a goal, I would get a willow branch and bring it back to my Pop. When looking at the edge of the woods I saw the white tail of a deer bouncing off into the woods. I followed the bounce, bounce, pause, bounce of deer for some time. Then I saw a small bit of blue in the distance, indicating a pond. At the pond I saw a beaver. I sat quietly and watched the beaver building his damn.

Next thing I remember was sitting inside the camper and watching my cousins roasting their sweet, soft cornered squares of sugar. I can imagine my parents did not appreciate the worry I provided by wandering off by myself and I did not appreciate not getting to share in the marshmallow roasting. 

I think it is a blessing to be in the present moment. However, it is a challenge to live in the present moment and to set clear intentions.
Does anyone know how to do that?

Lion Lessons

So I have begun substitute teaching for the school district. Today was my first day and I was lucky to get to be a side kick for a senior sub. The senior sub had a large pendant of a lion on her chest and the very same energy. She told the kids what the expectations were and did not get to involved above that. I so admired her ability to not become so involved thus maintaining her own energy. She was a true role model for natural consequences. I have always been the one hovering above the kids, asking questions, trying to motivate and inspire and quite frankly, I am pooped.

Maybe there is something to be learned from the sleek and powerful lion, says the hare, after loosing his race to the tortoise. 

Ansonia Church with Cannon

Cannon/Church

Another Church

Potatoes and fingers

Mr. Potato could not help but stop by.

Stuffed baby bells/Monster fingers

Today, I made baby bells stuffed with lime, mint and cilantro potatoes adapted from Indian Home Cooking by Suvir. I will tell you that as soon as I smelled the mint and potatoes, I was suddenly 17 and I was transported to a mint field in Nampa, Idaho, not far from where I grew up. I could feel the warm July breeze and the sound of crikets in the grass. I could imagine that I was sun burnt, from a day of playing in the water and I am in flip flops with dirty toes and I love it. 
Back her in my tiny kitchen in west haven, it is warm from the preheating oven and the cat is asleep on the couch. I chose the baby bells instead of the big ones because of Halloween. Don't you think they look like a giants finger tips?
What can I say I find beauty in the little things.
Big hug to all who read this blog. Now you can go chop off some giant's fingers or just stuff some baby bells.

Poetry

Last night, I volunteered at a poetry event to raise money for, W.H.E.A.T. (West Haven Emergency Assistance Task force). The event was put on by the Connecticut Poetry Society. The fund raiser was held in an art gallery.
Of all the poems read there were some poetry styles that I would like to try: hint poetry and list poems. The poet reading the hint poem said that hint poetry is defined as a poem that is less than 25 words with a moving title. The title is not included in the word count and the title is very important in the discovery of the poem. The list poems performed were both fun and witty, one was just a list of movie titles. However, when read together, it told a story. There was another list poem about nicknames. Entwined with the list of nicknames, were short humors leads to the rest of the poem.

Poems to come :) 

Meditaion Star

Meditaion Star

A Ride in the Country

The kitten is doing a great job not leaping up on the chef in the morning, which has improved both of our moods. I got to enjoy my poached eggs, organic whole wheat toast and Mom's delicious strawberry rhubarb jam, with no kitty claws to the knees. The kitten got to enjoy her string on the kitchen floor and no water in her face.
After breakfast, I had time to just lie on the bed and watch the leaves outside dancing in the morning breeze; then I spent time reading poetry and petting the kitty. As for my own work, I am still working on my children's story and I have been thinking a lot about some new drawings of naked dancing people, of all shapes and sizes. I think it is great I am drawing couples. All my previous drawings were of single women or groups of women with animals.
On the topic of couples, the hubby and I went for a drive today. We were trying to find an apple orchard, which was not successful as our left turn eluded us. So we deemed the trip; "A ride in the country." (plus, the day was all blue sky's, changing leaves and sunshine.) On our drive in the country we went through the towns of Derby and Ansonia Ct. The town of Derby which was settled in 1642 has four large churches all on the same block, all of subtly different Christian traditions. Between the churches on the *green is a civil war memorial for Gettysburg. Under a sculpture of a soldier are four cannons. The four cannons were pointed at each church. Made me chuckle thinking, hopefully everyone in this town gets along.
Ansonia had a very old industrial feel to it: upon driving into the town you see a curved road a head of you. Next to the road are tall brick buildings that have large, faded, wooden advertisements. In between the large brick buildings you can see the river and an old rusty bridge. I will go back to Ansonia, I have read they have a nice wine bar and coffee shop in there historic district.
The hubby and I have decided that the name Ansonia sounds like an old world place, "Sire I will go hence forth to Ansonia and pillage the people." One thing I have to say about the east coast is with age come beauty. 

It is evening now and the tree lined horizon is covered with deep orange light that fades up to yellow, then blue and in the sky sits an orange fingernail moon. I feel peaceful and grateful for not finding an orchard and living a love filled life.

*East coast lingo for a square park in the center of town.

Christina from Rachael Ray-please read

The Rachael Ray show is doing this piece about a teenage girl named Christina, who has set a goal to loose 70 lbs by prom. This weight loss will be essential for her health (important) and in her mind the development of friendships. I want to yell at my TV and tell the girl, "friends are not made by the size of you butt, but the size of your heart." I have loved many an obese person and not thought one second about their weight. It appears that this girl is motivated to be pretty and to have power. I have never seen her do anything for anyone else other than whine about not being pretty. REALLY this is inspiring people, for God sake I don't feel inspired I feel annoyed, this kind of television is continuing to perpetuate the idea that what gives a person value is there exterior. Christina, joy will never last if it is based on you external needs. What makes joy last is being motivated by love, both for self and others. That will mean weight loss. Love is first, then, butt size, not the other way, it never works.

speeding up

Today I noticed that life is speeding back up. I no longer wonder what to do with the hours that fill my day instead seem to run out of steam at the end of the day, because my life is so full. Perhaps, it is partly due to our kitten, where there is never a dull moment. This afternoon she came out of her litter box with a dingle berry and a trail of ick behind her from her stepping in it, Yuck! Thus what followed was mopping all rooms in the house and sponging the kittens bottom.  I did not know where she had been.
Also at my volunteer working I am creating, which takes so much energy that it feels like a full days work when I leave. I finished all I need to do to begin Substitute teaching next week, which will work quite well with graduate school. In January I will be taking statistics. I hear it sucks. Maybe I will like it if I keep those kind of expectations.
Big hug reader. 
Cheers.
P.S. I made a yummy shrimp dish last night if anyone is interested in the recipe.

Another improve meal

Need a Use for Little Eggplant, with Orzo
1 can Garbanzo beans
1 Small eggplant
3 mini bell pepers
1/3 small onion
2 Cups orzo
olive oil
handful cilantro  leaves
sea salt
black pepper
2 tsb butter
herbed goat cheese

Grill eggplant and mini bells Then chop them up.
Saute mushroom in the butter
Saute onion in olive oil 

Veggies waiting for orzo

Boil orzo in water with sea salt

Toss all ingredients together with a little bit of the starchy cooking water. Let sit while you drive to husbands lab. Serve in beautiful bowls with sprinkled goat cheese.
Cheers.

Cheers to Apples

What a great day I have had today. The weather has been divine, and the Greater New Haven area is smothered in art and artists. I began the day making, poached eggs and toast. I used a little of the left over sauce from last nights eggplant curry with my eggs and it was delicious. I did ask the hubby if he wanted some and he said, "No, I prefer my breakfast to be bland." funny thing, he, is the Indian. hehehe. After breakfast we drove to an outdoors area called Racebrook. The hubby and I  went on a cuddly walk. The shade was quite cold, large Birch and Oak trees hid the sun along the path.  On ground of the path there were fallen leaves, wild roses,wild ginger plants yellow wild flowers, and what looked like tiny Daisy's everywhere. Before we left we walked quickly enough to feel warm in the cool October shade. Then I brought my hubby to his office so he could work. We had our yummy left overs from dinner for lunch, a coffee and some coffee cake and then I kissed him goodbye and headed to the Apple Festival.

Notice the horses have shoes

It was a short walk from our house to the Apple Festival so, while walking from our house I spoke to a good friend on the phone and the company was nice. When I got off the phone I went around the festival taking photos. Funny thing about the Apple Festival there were few apples. However, there was nice art work completed by children and I took a few photos of the kids art (with permission of course). A nice man a the booth gave me a connection to an art studio in town and even called the woman and sent me over to meet her. I know have a working gig on the 15th of October at the studio, serving wine and smoozing with poets.
I then went to open art studios with art, live music, shrimp, wine, cheese, and humus. I looked at art, made some new friends and found a place that runs an art co-op in my blue collar town, who knew.

Learning

I always seem to come back to food. Last night me and the hubby went out to dinner at a South Indian restaurant: Coromandel in Orange CT. We walked into the building and in front of us was a red framed glass door. The glass had been brushed to give it a cloudy look and colorful raindrop shapes were stained onto the glass. Once inside the red door there was a red carpet leading up to the host stand. A handsome Indian man with a thick mustache welcomed us and found us a table. All of the lights in the room were made from blown glass. At our table all of the napkins on the table were folded to look like hats. I went to try mine on, to amuse my husband and saw a few of the with staff smile broadly at me behind him. Thanks to my friend Nora, my Indian Home Cooking cook book, and my husband, it was fun to look at the menu for the restaurant and know exactly what I was ordering. Overall we had a nice time and the food was very good. I have a favorite place in town for Indian food called Tali II and they still are the best for Samosas and Eggplant and ambiance. However they are only vegetarian and this place gets my gold star for meat, we had a delicious Tandoori Chicken not to dry and very flavorful.

Going Back

I went back to the writing group and had a lovely time. However, I was armed with new insight, provided by a three year New England implant: people in the Yale community are all goal orientated. Additionally, to meet these goals many sacrifices have been made along the way, making them sacred.
It is a frighting to me, to be goal drone. (I hope it is a little bit contagious.) I am experience driven in contrast to goal driven. And I thought I just had an East coast, West coast cultural conflict, now it is my behavioral orientation, sheesh.
I was not even goal orientated when I went to college, I found easy schools to enroll in and then I enjoyed doing the work. I went to Advertising Art school- then I worked in crisis shelter. I became a certified teacher-I went to work in behavioral health.
I am planning on taking a few needed courses in January at the community college so I can enroll and get my MSW next year. Then maybe I will become an accountant. :)

New Addition

Just before Halloween, we brought home a little black kitten. She is all pins and needles right now and I am covered with little wounds on my hands and legs. The funny thing about owning and aNIMAL48, (the cat just put on the caps lock and typed 48)... as I was saying- the funny think about owning an animal is that they demand attention. I tired to ignore the kitten when I got home from a nice drive with the hubby. I was hungry and wanted a snack. The cat was circling around being annoying. I just wanted a snack, when I felt a tug on the back of my pants as she climbed all up my back meowing the whole way saying, "YOU WILL NOT IGNORE ME" "Okay!" I sniped back with a huff, frustrated I put down my cracker and brie cheese and just cuddled the kitty. We both calmed down, she pranced away. As she pranced off she looked back at me and said, "You could have made that easier by saying hello with the cuddle."

flowers and a lion

Flowers from the Hubby

The text for the lion was found on a blog about spirit animals

Rumi Poem

On Friday afternoon I for the first time in months I completed a Yoga CD called Yoga Chant by Shiva Rea. I slowly twisted, and turned, and moaned, as aches throughout my body and my mind were stretched and eased.  At the end of the CD is this beautiful Rumi poem:


Remember the entrance door 
to the sanctuary is inside you. 
Love is a river 
Drink from it. 
A pearl in the shell 
does not touch the ocean. 
Be a pearl 
without a shell, 
a midful flooding 
a spark turned to flame 
bird settling nest
love lived. 

As I contemplated this poem I have discovered that it is the perfect life map for me.

1. The only place to find peace is in my own heart and I maintain the temple.
2. Love is vastly available if I want it.
3. To learn and experience more I must be brave and open
4. Find what makes me awake and spread it.
5. be in my own personal place that is home and settle there.

Rumi said to me with these easy steps love lives. I am going to use these five principles in this blog and continue my love filled life.
Cheers to being a bird, settled in nest.

Update on Holding Togehter

I rode my bike to the animal shelter to put in an application for a pet. I then rode to the library and got a library card. I love riding my bike however, this city is not designed for bikes. I am guessing it is because of the long winters, no one is riding skinny wheeled street bikes in spandex in the middle of the winter.
So there I was facing a sharp turn on the road with no sidewalk, or bike lane that was steeply down hill and curvy. My front break line was out (I should fix it). I said a short prayer and went for it, holding my back break the whole time my breaks screeching like a halk.  As you can see I made it down the hill in one piece but now from tensing my body my hips and knees feel like they could use a little oil and a professional masseur.
The bike riding should help balance out my use of butter. As for creative work, I  have been doing graphic design every Wednesday for Planned Parenthood (as a volunteer). I am re-writing my story with the edits. I finished a drawing of a lion and a mandala, just for fun and I will post it. I plan to go back to practicing the guitar today and get some pine cones to finish the Goddess table. Also for some reason I have been really dyslexic. This morning I said: My Seet are Fwolen, Does any one have any tips to help with this?
Cheers,
Me.

Stuffed Cabbage

Today I made stuffed cabbage for the first time. It is said to be a Polish dish. Which makes me wish I had some very dark Rye bread to serve with it and my friend in Tucson Michael, who is Polish to eat it. I served little red mashed potatoes instead of dark Rye bread. I am getting plumpy and not doing anything to stop the plumpy progress. To the potatoes I added butter and a dash of half and half. I best be careful as most of my jeans just fit with no room to grow. The topic being stuffed cabbage not stuffed me I will get back to the point.
I placed the whole head of cabbage in a large dish and I slow boiled it slowly, removing one leaf at a time. I eventually placed all the leaves in a dish to cool. For the filling, I picked up one pound of ground beef from the farmers market. I did discover that the cows in the north east are only grass fed part of the year due to the long winter. In such case I will not be buying beef again while I live here unless I win the lottery and can shop at Whole Foods/Whole paycheck.
For the heat in the dish I used one, very little, green and purple chili, that I bought at the farmers market. So pretty, but, for a little guy OH MY goodness he was hot. To test the heat I stuck my tongue just to the end of the chili after I cut it, off went a four alarm fire. I quickly got rid of the seeds and washed my hands, twice. One of my fingers still has a tingle. I sauteed the little chili in a little olive oil and added finely shredded carrot, ginger, garlic, clove and dried onions. (The dried onions were only because I am out of onions and to much of a fatty to ride my bike to the store and get more.) I mixed the carrot mixture, some half cooked brown rice and one egg into the ground beef. I made the little cabbage rolls drowned them in, tomato sauce water honey and clove and baked for an hour and a half. They are good and I think they will be even better tomorrow. Perhaps I should have friends over before my husband and I get more cubby with all the time on my hands. Mustn't be too chubby yet, the hubby brought me flowers when he came home.
Perhaps I should take up jogging before I have to start eating salads. No one wants to eat salads on cold New England evenings.

Learning To Be Critiqued

So any one that has been reading this blog knows I have a desire to be perfect. Well there is no wake up call to your imperfections than going to a writers group in downtown "Yaleland" with a group of professional writers all over 40.  I do give myself props for being brave.
It all started when I went to the Meetup web-sight and I uploaded my children's story to be read and critiqued. Then on a very rainy New England day, found parking, launched my umbrella and walked a few blocks to a swanky bar.
Then went down two flights of stairs to the basement of the bar. The basement was reserved for the writing group. The I gave a nervous smile, some hellos sat among people I had never met before, the critics.  The group covered both the strengths of my work, and covered what was not working. Of course, I only heard what was not working, went home and felt a little sorry for myself.  I have let some time pass and today I have began making some of the changes and am feeling excited to have some spring boards for improvement.
I am making the characters names more fitting to there behavioral characteristics. I am excited to be working.  I may not be perfect, but I am real.

p.s.
some name changes:
Cronkite=Topper Light
Jimmy= Pep Savor
Kiva= Minta Steady
Moddy= Sharpy Dapper

What do you think?

improve with white beans.

I am heading out for a writers group tonight and decided I wanted to make dinner before I left with what I had in the cupboards.
for the bean dish I used:
2 cups dry Great Northern White Beans
1 can green chillies
1 can diced tomatoes with Jalepeno
2 cloves garlic
three dried red chilies
15-20 frozen basil leaves
peanuts
Olive Oil
Red bell pepper (about one fourth)

for the Rice
1 can coconut milk
1 bay leaf
1 1/2 cup organic brown rice.
To make the beans I cooked them in the rice cooker with 10 cups of water. Mean while sauteed the onion and bell pepper till soft. Then I dumped in the tomatoes and the chillies (both green and dried) and finely shredded garlic. Brought to a boil then shut if off until the beans were done. I used the olive oil the basil and the peanuts to make a pesto. When the beans were done I added them to my tomato mixture and simmered till it became a nice paste. I then stirred in my pesto. Voila-

For the rice I dumped everything in the rice cooker and am waiting for it to finish.  Hope all turns out.

returning to the world.

Yesterday was my first day back in the real world as a worker. I am a worker as a volunteer and only worked a few hours and when I came home I was all buzzed up, I went on a long walk. I cleaned, made plans to cook and quite frankly wore myself out.

When I headed out to find some greens for our dinner I came across a nice little gift from the neighborhood. On the side of the main road, a hand painted sign read, corn and tomatoes. I pulled the car in it's tires crackling on the gravel covered parking lot. The place had several buildings that looked like small barns and a long sloping hill with horses and a goat curiously watching me.
There was a little ice cream stand, a young pretty girl working there showed me over one of the little red barns. Inside corn was piled on a long wooden shelf and fat red tomatoes were piled in a box. I only had five dollars cash on me and bought two ears of corn and three large tomatoes.
The lady of the house told me to buy up the tomatoes, they were the last of the season. The young girl told me to check my corn to make sure it was good, "it's the end of the season, you know." she said. I am new to the area but, I do know on a primal level that things are different this season as am I.

The east coast and I are still falling in love and we are both filled with mystery. I looked out across the landscape, it's rich green trees and big white clouds and am filed with hope as seasons pass.

The young girl told me I could bring food to the horses on the land. I walked around and talked to each horse. A large golden horse put his head against my chest, instant friends.

On the way home I brought my husband to the farm and fed the large golden horse an apple and a granola bar.
Then we came home boiled farm fresh corn, chopped tomatoes and pulled the leaves off fresh cilantro.  We made Amy's chipotle black bean burgers into burritos (I can still eat like a Tucsonan sometimes). I then deeply slept covered in a blanket warm in the chill of the coming fall.

Flan with cream cheese.

The couple flan.

It is interesting how making something can open your eyes to your strengths and your weaknesses. As I was circling the spoon in the deep bottom pan, smelling the sugar, cinnamon stick and orange zest and (not patiently) waiting for it to turn in to a rich golden color. I became anxious for the caramel to present itself and kept pausing to see if I had screwed it up.  My husband, comforting, and encouraging me to wait. Not yet... I as in a previous article I wrote I realize I am a member of the fast food nation. I want to be a slow food girl like my mother, who could can, bake, and sew, with saintly patience.

When at last I poured the golden caramel  into the pan it quickly began to thicken and I was happy that it had not burned. My hubby then pointed out it was thicker on one side. I panicked thinking, Oh NO he doesn't think I am perfect, I want to be perfect, and fast.
My husband helped me put the heavy pot in the stove and made sure any details were not missed. I added water in the pan underneith and together we slid the flan and it's steam bath back inside the stove.
In the end it all turned out quite nicely. I get gold stars because, I took the risk of making the flan, and I guess you can say I am brave.  I will work on being imperfect, and slower next time. As for now I am still speedy with a dream of perfection.
love
MSD or SDP. :)

Friday night

Friday night I met some friends for dinner. We googled a place down town New Haven that was supposed to be fairly inexpensive and had a nice menu on line. We got there and guess what It did not exist. There was an Irish pub right next door the prices were good and the atmosphere okay, but the peeps were not interested in going inside. The five of us were standing outside the Irish place tossing out ideas and staring at the ground, when a woman who was standing up on some stairs behind us, in a bright blue dress wearing a long string of pearls tied in a knot, smoking a cigarette, stated, "It is difficult to court so many people isn't it." I agreed and then felt a little like Tiger Woods, and not as a golfer. We then walked around the corner and ended up eating at a large Japanese restaurant with good sushi and a comfortable ambiance. We followed are dinner by walking to a very hip looking bar and stopping at an art gallery along the way.
The hip club was really strange inside, it had recessed booths with tall walls all the way to the ceiling and cushions that looked liked giant corduroy, then long tables with glass tops filled with good looking city folks. On the ceiling was a painting of the night sky. The whole place reminded me of an 80's, movie interpretation, of the future. The hostess took my friends and I to a room she called the tea room, it was in the back of the club, private, and dark. It made me think of a war bunker or the private room of a strip club. The walls were made of piled sandstone on the bottom and were painted black on the top with sketched images of birds flying up above. The artistry of the place seemed to bring out a giddiness in all of us. The night ended in the basement of an Irish pub and a live band. The conversation was good and the company divine. I now need to rest.

Cooking

Here above is a picture of the carrots on the stove with the curry leaves. The green and orange were so pretty I had to run get the camera.


To the right is a photo of my prepared spices so I did not dig through the spice rack in a panic as my food burned (there is a reason they do that on cooking shows.)

The tomatoes were emotional about going into the dal. I tried to comfort them by cutting them in half.

The Ganesha I Promised

Todays Walk

I have been cooking all day and unlike some foodies, I do not love cooking as much as I love eating and hearing praise from my hubby. Today I have made dal, using mung beans, onions, Roma tomatoes, and curry seasonings like my husband taught me. Then I made a grape raita, which is like a side salad made of yogurt, oil and spices, and lastly stir fried carrots with cumin and lime. I am still working on some samosas and the rice and what to do with an eggplant.
Luckily we ran out of white rice and I decided to walk to the store, it is such a lovely day. The clouds are big and gray with suttle threats of rain. The wind is blowing in circles, which I like because it does not just visit in one direction, it blows back my hair then blows it forward, it blows in one ear, and then is nice enough to visit the other. On my way back from the market I walked by the most beautiful thing. There is a house that has a lavender wooden fence. On the fence grows deep purple morning glories. The sight of the rich green leaves wound around the lavender fence and accented by the deep purple of the flowers made me feel grateful to the home owner for taking the time to make the street beautiful.
I did complete some work on the goddess table and funny enough I am working on the side the represents wind. Does art imitate life or does art open our eyes to life? I believe in the latter.

The Table

This is the work in progress.

Labor Day

As the Labor Day holiday comes to an end I think about what new things I would like to add to my life and what old things I would like to remove.  I feel like it is a good time to begin new patterns. I am not sure but I think the Jewish new year is right around the corner. I must have been Jewish in a past life.

Or perhaps it is just the stark change in the air that fall brings, that makes me feel like I myself am ready to be planted for the winter harvest. So perhaps not a Jew in a past life, but a bright orange pumpkin (the pumpkin and I look more a like.)

Speaking of the fall harvest, currently I am working on a goddess shrine. My husband found a cardboard crate that when turned upside down looks like a small table. To create the shrine I used Sage Woman magazines, paint, decoupage, sequins, plastic jewels, sharpies and feathers.   I began the project by cliping out images of women cooking, praying and loving.  I also clipped out a prayer about sacred space.
I then painted the little table and decoupaged the images on it. The paint I used smeared under the decoupage, which gave it a nice tie dyed look. Then I used gold and silver sharpie where I wanted solid color.
I am currently working on adding sequins and feathers. I am thinking of giving it to my sister for winter solstice. I will post pictures.
Time is no longer a burden.
Cheers
Spring

Sitting on the Couch

There is this wonderful tool that is so helpful in getting rid of any lingering emotions that weigh heavy on your heart. It is not that B.S. of,"just feel happy", or" just be grateful you are alive". It is not anything that removes you from what is sitting on your couch, staring at you with only the intensity that a lingering emotion can do. What you need to do is walk over and

sit down next to it on the yellow checkered couch, look it directly in the eyes, and say, "Okay I am ready. What do you want?" Then listen/feel. Don't listen to any voices other than that of your feelings, especially those visitors that masquerade as feelings: they go by the names of guilt, shame or any other pesky emotions associated with not being good enough or broken. Who you are sitting with on the couch is sorrow, anger, joy ect. If you really listen, I mean really listen, they tell you who you are, like a loving person, that needs more places to be loving, or a busy person that needs more place to rest, or a hurt person that needs to let their voice be heard.

Then when your done with your chat thank them for reminding you, your alive. Then get up from the couch and tell yourself how valuable you are, and take charge of your day.
My heart is light and joyous today. Not because I have had no pain in my life, but because I have and each day learn who I am and the more l learn the more I like being me.

Buddah

This photo does not paint an accurate picture of this Buddha. I will try to paint the picture with words. 
Imagine it is night and there are bright stars in the sky. You are in the back seat of the car and pull up to see a house and a sculpture of Quan Yin that is about eight feet high. That's nice you think. You knew you were going to see a Buddha and it is nice that it is a female goddess. She is pretty tall and she is standing on a rose colored lotus flower. Then as the car rounds the building a giant white Buddha fills the sky in front of you. The Buddha glows in dark New Jersey country side,  there is no room in your mind to be anything but awed. Behind the Buddha are tall poplar trees and you can see just the tops of the trees behind the head of the statue and beyond that stars. At the feet of the stature ten to fifteen people are sitting in silence. As they end their meditation, rather than talking, they look at one another and smile. You smile also, that is all you need to do.

last nights feast

Oh my, dinner last night turned out great. I got this new book from a friend called, Indian Home Cooking by Suvir Saran and Stephanie Lyness. It is a lovely book and I am amazed by Suvir's ability to remember foods he had as a child, where he had them, and how he felt about it.

Out of the book: I made lemon rice using peanuts instead of cashews and I turned a khitcheree into a dal by omitting the rice and from my own imagination I made a broiled fish which was marinated in olive oil, turmeric, lemon and sea salt. We ended the meal with chocolate bars and clementines. I enjoyed the meal and looked forward to left overs when I woke up.

In the beginning of the cook book Suvir talks about the kitchen in his home as a child being a sacred place. I have always felt they way about the kitchen. When I was a child it was the place I learned math: in how to measure to double a recipe or to divide it, it is the place I learned science, while holding the thermometer for my mother as she made candy or learning what air and speed does to egg whites.
Today I scrubbed my kitchen and burned incense It is the place I commune, create and nourish my body. Today I love and thought of making my dinner in the sanctuary of my home.

grounding

I am all up in the clouds today. I am looking for birdies and day dreaming  and...oh was that a birdie.
 long pause...........oh yeah I was writing. I feel tired. I could go back to bed but we are dealing with empty cupboard and I need to acquire us some dinner.

It is a myth that artists are best when aimlessly floating about. I was talking to a friend instead of watching Rachel Ray today, and now I am not sure what to do because I have no routine and again am trying to do fifty things at once. It is already one o'clock. 
I would like to set some new creative goals for today.
1. Replace the recycle box with something attractive.
2. Frame the Beer pictures for the kitchen
3. practice the guitar.
4. Make my home clean and beautiful.
5. Make something fabulous for dinner.

Friday Morning

Good Morning. Me and the hubby are off for the weekend. We are going to go to places I have never seen before. As an artist, I love that, just like my poem about being lost, when I go somewhere new my senses are awake and focused for all the new stimuli.  As one of my art teacher's used to say "You've got to fill the hopper." What the heck is a hopper? you say. Well I will tell you, from Wikipedia:

• A general term for a chute with additional width and depth for temporary storage
• Part of a combine harvester 

I hope to come back with a full hopper.
As for my current creative work, yesterday, I made a home made card and envelope for my friends wedding. Then I went to the green in the middle of the city and watched the squirrels play, while I was watching them, I imagined what there voices would sound like and gave each a personality. Funniest part was when three of them found a treat at the same time. All of the sudden they went separate directions and put there backs to one another so they could be greedy alone.
Cheers I will see you when I return.
Spring

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patterns

I hung a Ganesha today above the front door shoes. I began working on the Ganesha when a doctor told me I would loose my unborn child. I began the piece when I was still pregnant, and finished it after I lost my daughter at 23 weeks.

Hung in my home across from the Ganesha is a mirror. I made the mirror years ago. The mirror also made in a time of struggle, has the same spiral pattern that is in the back ground of the Ganesha. I did not realize this until I hung the Ganesha next to the mirror that they both have rich blue spirals.

When I decided on a background for the Ganesha, I was thinking about; The Starry Starry Night by Van Gouh (shown above). Did Van Gough have a broken heart when he made these spirals as I was, when I created mine? As I made the spirals I remember feeling comforted and calm, both times.

What do symbols that are repeated in our art work telling us about our subconscious? I would think somewhere, someone else is making a rich blue spiral and it is not a sad moment but a moment of holding together until the next curve.

Album Blog: Love Don't Wait

Album Blog: Love Don't Wait
I am excited for the new album MF is a light source.

Painting=Paitence

This morning I had a grand walk listening to Michael Franti: "..and you don't stop and you don't quit, everybody on the move, everybody lets move..".  I was moving fluid, like the cool wind at my back. I was moved by the music, the deep gray skies, and my healthy body, I was so moved,  I was ready to dance in the streets. Movement is currently not a problem (excepts of course before ten a.m.).

Waiting on the other hand especially, for paint to dry is painful. I am working on painting the female sculpture that I made form the air drying clay. (The male I am going to leave naked of color, the terracotta suits him nicely.) 
I am an American, damn it,  I want immediate gratification, don't we all. This is a common creative feeling for me that I have to get work done quickly. However I know, from experience, the longer the dish is simmered the better it tastes and if I rush the paint I will have a muddy mess. 

Any tips to patience, please help.

creative energy

I can remember sticking my toes deep into the bottom of an Idaho stream and gently wiggling them. I then watched as reddish brown clouds of soil floated up and around my my porcelain white legs until they disappeared into the stream. I can still remember the feel of the ice cold mountain water. It would make my legs numb, as the sound of the water, running, running, against my skin, hypnotized me.

I would then come to the childish conclusion that: if I could not see, nor feels my legs, then they were not there. So that would mean, I was river from knee cap too big toe.

Then I would sway my arms up and listen intently to leaves rustling in the Quakies along the bank; they who were white like me, with gnarled muddy knee caps.

In was in those moments, I was plugged into the earth, like some chlorophyll seeking flower, not yet ready to be plucked.

I was just river-movement, and a growing, vulnerable, trusting, bit of life.

Pick

Today I was at my light table working on a new scratch board when I looked down at the red Turkish rug. Of which I vacuumed last week and low and behold there lie my pick. Hallelujah!

Air Drying Clay

I will find out tomorrow if I got a job or not, as a result my creative life will change.
However, I am an extrovert and look forward to the possibility of more social contact.
Yesterday I bought some self drying clay. It is the best toy ever, for only four dollars, you get about a pound of clay, that can make two four inch sculptures. The main challenge of the clay is that it dries quickly and you have to use water with a small amount of vinegar to moisten your work. It is also good to wrap whatever clay you are not using at the time in a damp cloth.

I used the clay to construct two people a man in a yogic corpse pose and a woman in child's pose.

I am happy with the results of the male figure and struggled with the female, which is strange because I have always done a better job with women than men.  I went through surgery a month ago and as a result I believe my body have a new relationship to build.